A Stressful Afternoon

Today was a glimpse of a life that could have been. For some time I've been struggling with the decision of whether to work from home or part time or not, and I've already received my answer that now is my season just to be at home with my girls and work on architecture in a more passive sense. Today I feel very blessed for following through with that answer, even though part of me always wants more architecture.

To apply for a building permit in our community development a site plan and other drawings must be done- even for the small project that we want to do -- a fence. I was so excited to do the plans and have some drafting fun again, but once the deadline jumped by two weeks and I needed to start and finish it today during one naptime, I was less than enjoying myself.

I guess I just feel blessed for the simplicity of my life right now. Even this small stress just ruined the rest of my day. The girls didn't nap as a long as I'd hoped after I tried very hard to correlate their schedules and I didn't get it finished before they woke up so I was suddenly grouchy at them when I never would have been before and just wanted to get it done. Suddenly every little thing upset me and I didn't really enjoy our afternoon together; and a project that should have been fun was burdensome.

I am grateful for the Lord's patience with me and for His wisdom that is so much mightier than my own. Sometimes I think I know what I want, but ultimately I just want to be happy and return to live with Him, and He probably knows the best way for me to do that. I think for me right now, it is devoting my attention to my sweetest little blessings.

Doing, Not just Dreaming

For awhile now I've been thinking about acting upon my inspirations and I've basically come to the conclusion that without acting on them they are of no value. I often have different ideas come to my head- some are probably stupid enough to be my own, but most I think are inspirations from the Lord and are worthy of some follow through. I sometimes think about making an 'idea journal' because I have so many different ideas that I never seem to act on, but I've decided instead to just start doing! Today I feel the kindness of the Lord in my life by allowing me to realize this small truth and I am excited to continue forward in however He directs me with even the smallest of actions.

Here are a few of the things that I am doing and no longer just thinking about doing...
Writing a book- I've been researching and pondering the architectural subject matter for quite some time now, but it's time to get serious. I feel that I can better be an instrument in the Lord's hands by hopefully blessing others with some of the talents that I have been blessed with.
Submitting my idea for an LDS game- I've had this thought for a long time now and still no one else has come up with it, so what can it hurt to give it a try?
Making handy bags for the homeless- I feel so blessed for the abundance which we enjoy and often want to help others, but the logistics just seem to hold me back. Specifically I always want to reach out to the homeless or others who are standing at intersections with signs etc., but I never seem to have anything handy; so I had the idea to make gallon-sized bags full of healthy snacks, water, and possibly a picture of Christ that I can easily give. Today I finally decided just to do it, so I bought the supplies and have the first few kits already in the car.

I don't write these things to boast of myself, but to keep me honest in doing them. Once written, my determination seems more finalized- these are no longer ideas floating in my head, but concrete plans that I must follow through with. I feel blessed this day for the small leap of courage that it takes me to actually do instead of only dreaming of doing.

A Nice Drive

Today I drove to the airport and back to drop off Melissa and Josh for their flights. I am so grateful for my safe journey and for the blessing of a nice drive. Last summer I drove Lauren up to Seattle and back at least once a week for her check-ups and almost always the drives just stressed me out and would take me an additional day to recover from. Today as we pulled out of the driveway, (quite later than expected,) and the rain was pouring down, I was a little worried about the impending drive and the stress that awaited me. I said a quick prayer to myself that the drive would go well, and I really feel blessed for how nice it was. It seemed as soon as we headed on the freeway, the clouds parted and it was sunny for the majority of the drive- with very little traffic to speak of. Today I am grateful for this little blessing that brightened my drive and brightened my day.

A Settlers Analogy

Tonight we played a vicious game of The Settlers of Catan. Drew and I love this game and have introduced it to several family members and friends who weekly play at our house. Tonight my initial plans were foiled and I didn't handle it very well. I was grouchy and bitter and thought that there was no way any new plan would make up for my original and what was the point etc etc. Pretty pathetic, I know. Eventually the luck of the draw turned and I was improving and prospering on a new plan and actually having a good time, (except that I felt like an idiot for being an idiot before.)

Anyways, I was thinking about my attitude after the game (I didn't win) and how Settlers is sometimes like life. This may seem cheesy, but I really feel blessed for this perspective... that sometimes life doesn't go as planned. We're not the ones in control of what gets rolled on the dice and the choices and trades that others make. But we are responsible for our own choices- good or bad, and our reactions to the choices of others. Sometimes life will give us two rounds with no cards to speak of and then we'll be blessed with so many that it's hard to know what to do with all of it. But, through it all- the ups and the downs- the cities and the sevens- it's really our attitude that determines whether we're having a good time or not.

It's easy of course to be happy when everything is going our way: no one is blocking off your longest road or sticking the robber on you, but how much of our true character is shown when the tables are turned and we're the ones getting the largest army stolen or losing a city to the barbarians. I am embarrassed for the poor attitude I displayed while in such a situation and hope that in life, when things don't go my way I'll be able to make up for it and accept that the Lord's ways are higher than my ways and endure- happily- to the end.

But, of course, life isn't a game. It's so much better because it's not a competition. The objective isn't just to get ourselves and only ourselves the victory, but to help and encourage others to win as well. Maybe we should try a Settlers game where the goal is to get everyone to ten victory points, and maybe we would all be a little bit happier and kinder in the midst of our trials in the game.

Sorry about all of these gamer analogies for those who don't know the game... maybe now you'll want to learn : ).